Living large!

Last night the Mr. and I headed out to the Twins game. Because of the rain, we decided to leave the dogs inside. Unfortunately, I forgot to move my Easter basket full of candy, so we came home to two very wired dogs who consumed basically the entire basket of candy and all the tinfoil wrappers the candy came in!

In hindsight, I wish we would've taken a picture of the carnage. Really the only way we knew was because there were some plastic eggs popped open in the middle of the carpet. At least they did their best to clean up after themselves.

I figure today will include a nice little cleaning of the kennel after all that chocolate and tinfoil passes through their digestive system....have fun Kevin!

I thought I was prepared

....but after dinner last night with a brand-new mom, a mom with a one-year old and a multiple-child mom, I realize I most certainly am not prepared for the labor.

All that talk of hemorroids, cutting, stitching, post-labor baths, smells, ruined shoes, bad doctors, late epidurals and 24-hour labors kept me up all night. I'll spare the dirty details for those that are about to head out to lunch.

I can't change my mind at this point, but holy hell, what a reality check. Nurserys, shower invites and baby clothes are so much fun to pick out and look at, that I had forgotten about the upcoming nightmare that comes first! No worries, message received ladies. Thanks a bundle.

One of the participants of the get together, Jen, earlier in the evening had pushed for me to change the name of this blog to "The White Huxtables"....but after the aforementioned discussion, there is no way we follow up Baby Best #1 with a Denise, Theo, Vanessa and Rudy. So anyone hoping for 5 from this person can most definitely kiss that dream goodbye!

So thanks for the wonderful evening. You each owe me a couple hours of sleep. ;)

Introducing the pups

....the current king and queen of the Best household.

Kip....
and LaFawnduh....


And them participating in one of their favorite activities....

Pregnant brain

Pregnant brain. I had never heard the term before being pregnant. But I was clued into what it was and the very real effects fairly early on.

It all started one day when I was at work and 2 separate times one day I walked down the hall to the bathroom and as I locked the door behind me, I realized I had unbuttoned my shirt on the way there. One of those times, I had already started taking my shirt off. Apparently I thought things were going to get pretty messy in there? Good thing it is a private bathroom or that could've been incredibly embarrassing.

Naturally, I was concerned, so I emailed a couple friends and they diagnosed me. Because I wasn't even out of my first trimester at that point, I knew I was in for a long ride.

While my foray into office disrobing was certainly the most unusual example of pregnant brain, it goes much farther than that. Everything from forgetting to put stamps on mail and putting canned goods in the refridgerator to not feeding my dogs and wearing clothes inside out.

This phenomenon might be the most frustrating part about being pregnant. Is it really fair to add a handicap to one of the few parts of the human body that isn't physically affected during pregnancy? Simply stated....no. But apparently the dreaded pee pants syndrome isn't quite enough for the pregnancy gods.

So here it is. 30 years old and I'm now a note-leaver and list-maker. Jane Swenson always told me it would happen. I never believed her. It's gone so far now that I even carry around a pen/book to make lists with on the go. Give me a few months and I'll be putting my keys and phone in a bag instead of carrying them in my pocket and getting up before the sun comes up.

My, my.....how time flies. What came first....getting old or getting pregnant? I'm not sure about that, but it is definitely here.

How's this for government?

Before work this morning I put the new tabs on the Pink Panther. That made me think about how I had already paid the tabs for the Explorer but didn't remember replacing them. I look and sure enough they are expired.

So on the drive into work I call Driver and Vehicle Services (good way to start a beautiful morning) and try to get to the bottom of it. They tell me that they sent them out to me on January 26th. Well, that's great, but I didn't get them....and certainly I have too much going on to track the comings and goings of my vehicle tabs.

Well, because it has been longer than 60 days, apparently they can't just send out new ones to me....I have to "order" duplicates. Of course, that begs the question of whether or not I have to pay for them again. In the most cheerful government voice you can imagine, the nice lady tells me that yes, I have to pay, but not the entire amount....HOORAY!

The total cost will be $9.50. Alright....doable. I can handle that. I handled it pretty well until she told me that the $9.50 broke down as following:

--$1.00 for the new tabs
--$8.50 service fee

Seriously? The tabs can be reproduced for $1.00 but it takes DVS $8.50 to put them in the mail to me? Where are they sending them from? Russia?

Now, it isn't lost on me that certainly some of the fault here lies with me. I should've paid attention and realized I didn't get the tabs in the mail and called earlier. But that doesn't excuse the payment breakdown. Couldn't they just tell people that it is $8.50 for the tabs and a $1.00 service fee? That would make much more sense to me.

Well, despite my misgivings, my $9.50 was sent out this morning. Hopefully I don't get pulled over in the meantime. I could probably handle the $50 ticket. It would be the $185 service fee that would get me a court date to explain my arrest for disorderly conduct and disobeying an officer.

The grossest thing (so far) about pregnancy

At my bookclub meeting the other night, the conversation turned to kids and pregnancy. Our group is comprised of gals all in their mid (to late)-twenties and early thirties, so we've had a few go through pregnancy already. Along with a couple other friends, they have become my source for all the "real" information about pregnancy that nobody or no book tells you.

And let me tell you....these books are worthless. At least the ones I've started reading. As many of you know, I'm not exactly the warm, fuzzy type and I'm not into the "natural beauty" of the pregnancy process. It's a means to an end for me. Anyway, all these books talk about the symptoms you could be experiencing. While this would seem helpful to the untrained eye, upon further review, it is ridiculously unhelpful. The list will start:

*increased boredom and weariness with the pregnancy process.
*Hearty appetite.
*Constipation.
*Anxiety about the future.
*More energy.
*Trouble sleeping.

Then it will be followed with:

*sense of contentment and well-being with the pregnancy process.
*Loss of appetite.
*Diarrhea.
*Sense of excitement about the future.
*Lack of energy.
*Need for extra sleep.

Really? Awesome. That is really helpful.

So anyway, we are sitting in bookclub and someone said one of the the worst parts of the last trimester was the fact that when she would bend over or exert herself she would pee a little in her pants....and the others joined in and agreed. I didn't believe it....until I golfed the last couple days. Often when bending over to pick up my ball, sure enough, no bladder control.

Now we aren't talking about needing a diaper or anything, but come on. Seriously? That's gross. I realize there is a purpose for a lot of the gross things that happen during pregnancy, but there can't possibly be a reason for this.

I guess in the immortal words of Billy Madison, "You ain't cool unless you pee your pants." Well then, consider me Miles Davis. Nothing to do but embrace it.

Off to the golf course in a little bit. We might go directly out to dinner afterwards....better bring that change of underwear my mom always told me about.

Eating....

....is really the only thing fun I can still do these days. And even that is limited in some respects (at least I have peanut butter back though -- that scare a few months ago had me upset). So with my "sugar test" coming up next Monday, I'm a little nervous they are going to tell me to stop eating sweets as well.

If that is the case, get ready for the grumpiest version of me you've ever seen. You can't take caffeine, adult beverages, soft cheeses, fish, eggs, deli meat AND sugar away from me all at once. I nearly snap when you take one of the above things away....let alone all of them at the same time.

So if you have any plans to visit or stay with me in the next couple months (okay, few....but I'm trying to convince myself I'll go early), I'd advise checking out how I fared in my little exam next Monday first. Because visitor beware if I fail.

You might want to say some prayers for Kevin in the meantime. Because he might look for somewhere else to live for 3 months if this thing doens't go my way.

Work nightmares

I know I can't be the only one who has these. I remember having them even back to the days when I was working at Valleyfair! (never, never spell out Valleyfair! without using the exclamation point -- one of the many life lessons I learned while working at the fine establishment....that and never stay out late consuming adult beverages when you have to work on a roller coaster the next morning...heat, loud noises and people getting sick don't mix well with that morning after feeling). Anyway, back in my Valleyfair! days, I was a ride operator. My roommates told me I often would recite the pre-ride spiel and make the movements of operating the ride in my sleep. Innocent enough. Likely incredibly annoying to them, but certainly nothing to get worked up over.

These days, my work nightmares (because thinking about work in your sleep is NOT a dream if you ask me) are much more disturbing. Often, these nightmares involve showing up late to court, missing a deadline, getting yelled at by a judge, etc. You know, the usual. But last night's nightmare takes the cake.

It started out great. I was at someone's house for a party and we were all having a great time. However, later in the evening a lady walks in and won't leave me alone. Asking me all kinds of questions about work-related stuff. I didn't recognize her at first, but it turned out it was a former co-worker of mine who was particularly rude, greedy and ignorant. She kept following me around and asking me about clients, money and bills. Then, out of nowhere, she turned into a lawyer I currently have a case against, who insists on making my life difficult. So a whole new set of questions....these all about discovery and conference calls and personal property. The evening continued with this person flipping between the two personas and attempting to interrupt every conversation I tried to have.

I realize this is probably a fairly boring story for many....but in an effort to keep it clean, I'll end it there. But I dare any of you to think about two less-than-desireable people you encounter regularly and have them stalk you around a party all while morphing into one another. Frighening. Pure, unadulterated fear.

It's been a few months since I've been a part of the party scene, but if anything remotely close to that is going on out there right now, I'm happy to stay away forever. And if I find out any of my friends are inviting either of these two people to parties, I'll be accepting applications for new friends very soon.

Keep your fingers crossed, folks.

The better half's reaction

....to the blog.

"Oh yeah? I'm going to start my own blog to deny everything you say."

That's my boy. Hand's off, ladies.