Saturday, July 25, 2009

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

No, this isn't a review of a Clint Eastwood film. I'll save that for another day. Instead, since we've been home about 2 1/2 weeks now, I thought I'd give a little rundown of some of the highs and lows we've come across as new parents.


1. Nothing in my life prior to this point compares with the feeling of Lindsay's tiny little fingers holding onto the neck of my shirt as I hold onto her.

2. Seeing her little smiles warms my heart.

3. Her expressions/movements are hilarious -- she's like a little adult already.

4. We've been able to catch up on some of our Netflix movies since we are at home more.

5. No one questions me when I wear my pajamas all day...or wonders why it takes me until 2pm to get around to brushing my teeth.


1. Spending 2-3 hours in the middle of the night watching Lindsay look around is more exhausting than I ever could've imagined.

2. Worrying about everything that can happen to her is terrifying.

3. The extra laundry isn't necessarily a welcome task.

4. We've been able to catch up on some of our Netflix movies since we are at home more.

5. She sounds like a sailor when she burps after eating.


1. Cleaning poop that has seeped out of her diaper is pretty disgusting...especially at 4am.

2. Having her vomit run down my chest and into my bra isn't necessarily desirable...especially at 4am.

3. Having her pee shoot all over the changing table and her clothing while I'm changing her is not what I have in mind when I start the guessed it, especially at 4am.

4. I wonder if the neighbors think about calling the police while we are giving Linsday a bath. Screams of bloody murder roll through the house during bath time.

That is our life in a nutshell right now. Live it and love it....and try not to vomit when I'm puked on or pooped on.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

She's a keeper!

Two weeks in and I think we are going to keep Lindsay. She's too cute to send back. Here's the photographic evidence in case you don't believe me.

That pic was not taken by us. Sadly, we don't have the photographic skills for such an awesome pose. We were referred to a photographer who took some newborn pics for us last week. This is the only one we've seen so far, but we'll post some more when we get them.

Aside from being too cute to give back, I think her actions at the photographer's studio make her a perfect fit for us. For one, the photographer said she smirked a lot. That happens to be one of the facial expressions used most often in our household. And if we needed more reason than that, she also expressed some stubborness, attitude and practical joking skills that afternoon.

We were trying to get some naked baby pics, so her diaper had to come off. She decided that the perfect time to poop would be as we were taking her diaper off. We covered her back up and sat for a couple minutes and waited for her to finish. On cue, everytime we took her diaper off she pooped a little bit more. Finally after about 10 minutes, we were in the more poop.

This particular pose had Kevin holding her. Turns out she wasn't done yet...and decided to wait until everything was perfectly set to not only poop all over Kevin, but also to add a little pee on him for good measure. Lindsay 1, Parents 0.

Speaking of poop, I finally had a WDBM. What's a WDBM, you ask? I'll protect the innocent, but the phrase was first used by someone we know after a particularly rustic camping trip. We stopped to wash up at a gas station and said person came out and said they couldn't wait to get home for a WDBM...turns out that is a "well-deserved bowel movement." I fell in love with the saying and have used it whenever I can since then. But never have I felt it more appropriate than post-labor. So for those wondering, one more hurdle crossed!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Men vs. women thought of the day

As Kevin and I were watching the British Open this morning, we had to rewind the broadcast to make sure we heard correctly what the announcer said.

There was one golfer who was making a charge to the leaderboard and one of the announcers mentioned that his wife was due with their first child on Tuesday (not sure if it was this past Tuesdsay or next Tuesday). The announcer said that he had a pager and would leave the tournament and fly out if she went into labor.

The main announcer proceded to say the following..."He's within one shot of the lead. Women are sensible. She'll have that baby and not tell him about it until after his final round tomorrow. This chance may never come along again for him. A few stitches and she'll be fine."

All I have to say about that is 'wow.' I'm sure his wife wouldn't mind missing the delivery portion for a round of golf.

Friday, July 17, 2009

What happens next?

Those that have ever read a pregnancy book are probably well aware of this already, but those books tell you absolutely nothing about what happens to you AFTER you deliver the baby. There may be some vague references about making sure to take time to heal or sleep when your baby sleeps, but that is as far as it goes.

Well, let me tell you, it is no walk in the park. Baby aside, there are a lot of things going on to slow down the new mommy.

First things first, the first couple of days are pretty much awful. Having the baby is awesome, but pretty much any type of movement was out of the question. Even getting to the bathroom in the hospital was a challenge...and time consuming. It took me longer to change my own diaper than it did to change Lindsay's....I had special wipes and all. There is nothing cool about adult diapers...not even in the Miles Davis sort of way.

Walking around is something else that I don't recommend....even if the nurse's push it on you. One of my nurse's asked me "what my goals were for today" when I was there. I wanted to say to lay here and let my nether regions heal, but she insisted that I at least get out into the hallway for a walk. She wouldn't let it go either...kept asking me about it whenever she'd come in. "Hey...did you get a chance to take a walk yet?" Nope, lady....give me another Percocet and leave me alone. I eventually did get out for that walk around the hallway, but it wasn't any fun at all. And said nether regions paid the price later...turns out the diapers, swelling and bleeding don't really mix that well with walking. At least not for me.

Getting home wasn't the remedy either. Turns out sleeping in your own bed doesn't fix everything. It certainly doesn't fix stitches. I have no idea if everyone gets stitches, but I had to and that has not been fun at all. Even still today they are keeping me from taking that long-awaited walk. I was talking to a friend on the phone the other day and she told me about someone she knows that has to do physical therapy for her tearing....yikes! So my complaining would probably seem pretty ridiculous to her. I guess I should take solace in the fact that at least I don't have to go through that.

As a bottle/formula feeder, I didn't have to go through the process of getting Lindsay to take to my boob, but holy smokes, that doesn't get rid of the boob issues altogether. I didn't have any issues for a couple days, but by day 3 or 4, my boobs were about 3 times their normal size and hard as rocks....and "HOLY CRAP" painful. Apparently it is called engorgement. No one really told me a good way to deal with it, so picture me with a bag of peas over each boob for about 10 hours a day. Nothing cool about that. I'm sure my husband and my houseguests were impressed with my classiness. A couple days of that and then the leaking starts. And let me tell you, that is pretty sweet. Nothing in my life to this point has compared to the moment I was standing in the bathroom, getting ready to take a shower and there was a steady stream of milk running down my belly. I can't even begin to explain the mortification that comes along with that.

Alright, enough of the complaining for today. But before I go, let me leave you with what has so far been my favorite thought from the book about the baby's first year that I'm referencing. Here is the exact lie. "Your first look at your body in a full-length mirror can be a shocking expereience, and we recommend putting it off as long as possible." Really? That's the advice? Talk about supportive. Nothing like having a book telling you that you aren't attractive. I, for one, never felt more loved.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Our little girl

Here's a few pics....everyone is saying she looks a lot like Richard (my brother), so we are keeping our fingers crossed for a change in facial features soon....just kidding Richard. ;)

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Our hospital stay

Lindsay is with the two grandmas right now, so I thought this was a perfect time to finish up our hospital post. When I last left a post, it finished with me wanting to slap the front desk attendant. Not exactly the start I was hoping for and I'm sure this was making Kevin pretty nervous. Well, turns out I wasn't quite as big a crabbypants as I figured I'd be.

Our admitting started out with me discovering that any hope for a somewhat "discreet" stay (ie, keeping my lady parts at least partially under wraps) was not going to happen. Gown on, legs open and discretion gone. I was dilated 5cm already when I was admitted, so we were fairly far along already. My contractions were pretty unbearable by this point and the epidural wouldn't be able to be done for an hour (some major surgery was happening and that patient rudely was hogging the anesthesiologist), so they first gave me a shot of something to "knock the edge off." That worked okay, at least making the next hour something I could handle. Contrary to an apparent tough exterior I show, I am a big wussy and I really, really needed my drugs.

My savior showed up about 7am bearing the epidural. He went over the risks with me and I told him I didn't care if my legs fell off....just give me the drugs. Once the epidural kicked in, I was homefree for a couple hours. And I apparently thought I was participating in open-mic night. I came up with such classic one-liners as: "I've never eaten crackers in bed before" (upon scarfing down a few saltines while laying in the bed) and "I like dogs" (upon hearing that there was a board showing all the dogs of the labor and delivery nurses). Kevin said I was all over the place with my thoughts...I guess I shouldn't plan on getting addicted to painkillers. I really don't have much recollection other than saying everything that passed through my head and then 30 seconds later wondering why on earth I'd say something so stupid.

We met our doctor a little later. She was like a damp towel...ruined all our fun. The labor nurses and I were having our improv routine and she didn't really get it. At one point, the nurse said something about at least we didn't have to have our regular doc deliver because he was awful...and we were laughing about that and the new doc said, "Are you making a joke?"....not understanding sarcasm apparently. Not exactly my kind of personality.

By 9am I was dilated 10cm and they shut the epidural was go time. I started pushing at 9:30am and although I thought Kevin would be an innocent bystander somewhere north of the Mendoza line, the nurse told him to grab a leg and they'd give us a chance to "practice" pushing. A nurse on one leg, Kevin on the other and away we went.

Make no mistake. Pushing is exhausting. Because of the epidural, the pain was more pressure-like than excruciatingly painful, but the act of pushing took me to the limit of exhaustion. At each contraction, I would push for three 10-second intervals....or so I was told. My nurse made sure that she counted backwards extra slow for those 10 seconds, sometimes even deciding not to count. How wonderful. Each span of pushing felt like it took an hour....when in reality it was only about 60 to 90 seconds.

Well, sparing everyone the more gruesome details, our little bundle of joy arrived at 10:31am on 7/7/09 (the nurse said she hoped I would hold out until 7/8/09...thank God I didn't). And I made it through the experience without yelling at Kevin even a single time, which is practically a miracle since I can usually find something to yell at him about at any moment (I'm not exactly the easiest person to live with). He was awesome and did a great job...and I think I did alright as well. And really, other than one nurse who apparently thought I was trying to bogart the pain meds, our stay was relatively uneventful (until we were leaving and tried to "steal" our own baby by not remembering to get the security tag taken off and set the floor alarms off).

Thanks to all those who called, texted, emailed and stopped by. We really appreciate it. As for Lindsay, she has been a very good baby so far. We couldn't be happier....although it has only been a couple days of having to get up at night! Get back to us in a couple weeks. ;)

I'll leave you with a pic from our first day home....LaFawnduh has taken on quite the protective role.

Friday, July 10, 2009

From the beginning

Well, not the beginning, but lots of people have been asking about how Tuesday progressed, so here goes.

Kevin and I went to bed about midnight on Monday night and I told him that it definitely wasn't happening that night. I wasn't feeling it at all. So I read, set my alarm for work the next morning and cursed the pregnancy gods for not letting me go into labor yet. I had an appointment that afternoon and had made arrangements to come back the following Monday to discuss inducement if I hadn't delivered nurse practictioner wasn't too convinced that I was really close. So I fell asleep wondering if it was ever going to happen.

I woke up about 3am, feeling a little cramping, but in the interest of full disclosure, I had no thoughts that I was in labor....I thought I was constipated. Something I'm sure you all want to think about. For about 90 minutes I was going between the bedroom and the bath about every 10-15 minutes, hoping to "relieve" myself and finally get some sleep. I kept cursing my life because I really wanted to be productive at work the next day and finish one last project up.

About 4:30, I had the thought that maybe I wasn't constipated, but was having some contractions....that was honestly the first time I thought about it. I decided to wake Kevin up and have him do some timing just in case. He timed the first 3 contractions and they were all between 4 and 6 minutes, so he called the hospital.

You'd think calling the hospital would be the easy part, but no....what a cluster. He called the number they gave us and they first sent us to the wrong hospital (our clinic group is associated with a couple hospitals). From the bathroom (I was brushing my teeth and getting my bathroom stuff packed), I heard him say our doctor's name, then spell it, then give them the clinic name, then the doctor's name again. Obviously things weren't going well for him and I was starting to have very strong contractions at this point and wasn't amused by the delay. Finally they sent him back to the operator and got us to the right hospital. Our doctor happened to be on call, so they hung up and got our doc to call us back....I'm sure he was pleased with having someone wake him up for that. I have my suspicions that the labor and delivery department is supposed to tell us when to come in.

Well, the doc told us to load up and head in, so within 10 minutes we had the dogs in the kennel, the suitcase in the car and were on our way. By this point it has only been about 45 minutes since Kevin woke up and I was really starting to regret waiting so long to get him up....the contractions were becoming unbearable. I wondered if the people driving around us would be able to piece together what was happening in our car if they looked over....Kevin with a scared shitless look on his face and me grimacing in severe pain. I don't know if I would've figured it out if I was them, but at least I was able to focus on something to try and not think about the pain....wondering if they were really up this early for work or if all those over-achievers were heading to workout.

Took us about 20 minutes to get to the hospital...of course, the stoplight gods made sure we stopped at every single light on the way. Kevin dropped me off at the door and while I'll save the hospital stuff for a later post, let me tell you my first experience in the hospital. I walked up to the information desk and told her what was happening and that labor/delivery was expecting us. All of a sudden I had one of those "stop you in your tracks, take your breath away" contractions. As I'm leaning over the desk trying to breath it out, the lady at the desk said (in a cheerful, chuckling voice), "Oh, ha ha ha, your body is working so hard right now!" If I would've had any ability to stand myself up straight or any energy to respond, it would've been with a right-hand slap to her face. No shit, lady. If you know what's good for you, you'll get me a wheelchair and stop talking.

Anyway, this is long and I should probably go check on my child (and maybe even my napping husband). The hospital portion of the story is hopefully more interesting and will be added later. Hope everyone is well!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

A little sample

I'll post more later, but I thought I'd throw a few pics from Day 1 up for people to see our newest addition.

Lindsay Mercedes Best joined us yesterday at 10:31am...6lbs, 12 oz, 19 inches. She's been a joy so far!

Monday, July 6, 2009

Waiting on the world to change...

So we keep on waiting...
Waiting on the world to change

I used to have a fairly unhealthy obsession with John Mayer. Stalking him through the streets of Minneapolis type of unhealthy (thanks Traci, Tricia and Lindsay). This weekend I couldn't help but have this particular song of his rolling through my head on a continuous basis.

It's all a big waiting game at this point. And not that I'm not excited about my world forever changing dramatically over the next week or so (I'd consider that more of the anxious side), but even moreso, right now I'm excited about the prospect of not walking around with huge mass inside my belly.

I almost wish I had cameras following me around right now. The view of looking at me not being able to reach into the washer to reach clothes out to put in the dryer is probably a lot more funny than the reality of it. Not to mention the view of me trying to get off the couch, put on shoes or roll out of bed. If it wasn't me going through it, I'd sit back with a bag of popcorn and enjoy the show!

Hope everyone had a great weekend! Despite being somewhat limited in our available activities, Kevin and I had a fun and productive weekend....which is a difficult combination to master. Think yardwork and a boatload of movie-watching.

Until next time...

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Still nothing

For those hoping the next update included some cuddly baby pics, you are going to be disappointed. No news yet and at least seemingly, it doesn't seem to be progressing at all. Not that I'd know what it feels like to have labor progressing, but still. I still feel the same as I did a few days ago, last week, etc. -- uncomfortable and really, really hoping that I wasn't pregnant anymore.

In the meantime, here are a few highlights from the last few days:

1) Last night I didn't have a single drop of liquid after 7pm, went to bed at midnight and still had to get up NINE, yes NINE, times to pee before 8am.

2) Some people I know put together a "When is Mary going to pop?" pool and someone picked July 22nd. I'm due July 8th. Kevin and I just watched Slingblade again and I'm having thoughts of heading over to said person's house with a lawnmower blade for even suggesting that date.

3) I found out that Kevin has been using me as an excuse to get out of things, mainly related to work. Keep in mind that even I haven't used this as an excuse to get out of work yet. At a banquet the other night, a co-worker busted Kevin for it -- apparently Kevin had told said co-worker the week prior that he couldn't come in "because Mary is having some contractions and we have to head to the hospital." Well, when the co-worker brought up my contractions to me at the banquet, I had no idea what he was talking about and said "I haven't had any contractions yet." Liar, liar, pants on fire...that's what you get for making me look like the panicky, over-anxious, first-time mom. I definitely snickered at Kevin's self-induced that mean?

So far, those are the highlights (well, lowlights, really) of my week. Hope everyone else has had a more enjoyable pre-4th week. Our weekend plans consist of hopefully having a baby, but if not, the backup plans aren't too shabby. Probably go to "The Hangover" on Friday and then golf on Saturday and/or Sunday. And definitely get some weeding done in my poor, poor garden has been woefully neglected in the past week.

Safe travels and Happy 4th of July everyone!

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