Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Charlie and Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Life

We made it. We kept Charlie alive long enough to make it to the Terrible Two's (would've been nice had he waited until he turned 2). In the past 2-ish weeks, my very active and sweet, snuggly boy has turned into my very active monster....and not one of those cute Monsters, Inc. versions either.

Almost exactly one year ago, Charlie did things like this:

And even a month ago, he walked doing things like this ("WATCH OUT FOR THE TABLE!"):

And this:

But since then, here is a small sampling of the things you shouldn't attempt to do if Charlie is awake:

1) Look at him;
2) Not look at him;
3) Give him food;
4) Not give him food;
5) Sit by him;
6) Not sit by him;
7) Bring him in from outside;
8) Give him a toy;
9) Take away a dangerous object;
10) Put him in his car seat; and most importantly
11) Say NO to something he's demanding

If you say no, you better be prepared for something like this:

No lie, that video went on for at least another minute. Thankfully for you, my loyal readers, my phone will only allow a certain length of video to be messaged or emailed. Even more thankfully for you guys, you didn't have to witness that specific tirade firsthand because it lasted at least 10 minutes (felt like 10 days).

What caused that outburst, you ask? Well, I had the audacity to tell him that no, he couldn't carry my 10-inch chef's knife around the house. I'd say I won this round because he didn't get to carry the knife around, but I'm the one that had to survive the onslaught of tears, snot and ear-splitting screaming...plus, he gets bonus points for doing all that while wearing a t-shirt that says, "Mommy's Prince Charming." Extra jab to the throat for that dick move. Well-played, Charlie.

This little tyrant has taken from us the few remaining minutes each day that weren't already consumed by 5-year-old meltdowns over itchy shirts and not being able to wear sandals in the dead of winter. So if you are considering stopping by, staying with us or we invite you over, you might want to think twice about it. You've been warned, so don't blame me for a crappy visit.

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