Sh*t My Daughter Says

Obviously the title is a total rip-off of the book I'm reading for bookclub, but it fits too perfectly. Lindsay has started "talking" constantly. She has a lot to say, but no one can understand any of it. And if I had to guess, I'd think she was constantly usingt the naughty version of the word "poop." Seriously, everything she says sounds like the word "sh*t."

Shut = sh*t.

Kip = sh*t.

Chair = sh*t.

Shoe = sh*t.

Lip = sh*t.

Chip = sh*t.

Stick = sh*t.

I could go on, but basically every one syllable word somehow comes out as the word sh*t. Greatly amusing to me. She's a 1 1/2-year-old sailor. I love trying to say what the babble is.

- If she's sitting in her highchair and talking, I'm certain she is saying, "I'm not going to eat that sh*t!"

- Changing her diaper..."Hurry up and get this sh*t out of my diaper."

- Looking out the window at all the snow..."I can't believe this sh*tty weather."

- Watching clips of Michelle Bachmann...."I can't believe the sh*t that comes out of her mouth!"

I doubt that is what she is saying, but just in case, her potty-mouthed mother better clean up the language from here on out.

Naked Gun(s) 1 1/2

For awhile, all Lindsay wanted to do was put more clothes on. She was constantly pulling on more layers of clothes by wearing onesies as pants or pants on her arms. Other than the fact that it was often the clothes I was trying to fold, it was a pretty cute habit.

In the last few weeks, that layering habit is no longer. Now it is a naked habit. She can't get her shirts off yet, but she is constantly pulling her pants down and even more often, completely removing her pajamas. This is what I walked into one morning when she woke up:

The pants coming off is really an interesting move. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to it. Kitchen? Pants come off. Watching cartoons? Pants come off. Picking up toys? Pants come off.

That is Lindsay on Christmas morning. She can't even keep her pants on for Jesus. Although, in her defense, tights are REALLY uncomfortable.

Now the pants is one thing, but the pajamas are a whole different ballgame. It's gotten to the point where we try not to put her pajamas on until right before bed because she'll just take them off and run around naked anyway. But the funniest thing is when she just unzips the front and walks around like some white-trash king. I feel like if we gave her a gold chain, she'd be pulling the look off perfectly. Check it out:

It's all fun and games for now, but I'm only giving it until preschool. She's not leaving the house if the tendencies continue at that point.

Gifted? Probably not.

The other morning I had a little time to kill before I could drop Lindsay off at daycare, so I decided to get out evening bath out of the way in the morning. I brought Lindsay in the shower with me and afterwards I put her little robe on and she ran out of the bathroom into the living room. As I was drying my hair, I see Lindsay walk back into the bathroom and take some toilet paper off the roll and walk back out into the living room.

I was more than a little curious because usually she just eats the toilet paper. I walked out to find her wiping something off the floor. Turns out she peed on the floor while standing there with her robe on, but no diaper on. She then proceeded to walk back to the bathroom, get some toilet paper, walk back to the living room and attempt to clean it up.

I couldn't believe it! Clearly, she must be gifted. Normal 18-month-olds just don't have these sorts of abilities. I was just getting ready to sign her up for classes for gifted children when Kevin pointed out that the fact she stood in the living and peed on the floor might be a sign that gifted isn't the word we should use to describe her.

Point taken. No gifted classes for now.

I've got no legs!

Or so you'd think. We have officially entered the tantrum zone. Sweet-natured 90% of the time, but that other 10% is proving to be equal parts hilarious and incredibly frustrating. One moment you have this staring at you....

....and the next moment you have this laying at your feet.

The first few times it was cute and funny....almost endearing. The next few times it was somewhat comical, but getting a little old. After that it was just downright maddening and absolutely ridiculous. And that was in the first hour of her starting this new trick.

I mean, look at this. Like really closely.


Did I push her off a chair? Did I abuse her puppy? Did I take her favorite toy away? No, no and no.

What did I do? Well, would you believe me if I told you that I took my shoes off? Believe it or not, that is what I did to incite this scene. Apparently she didn't like my socks. Or maybe I have smelly feet.

I'd like to say that it usually doesn't come out for something so mundane, but in all actuality, it is always because of something mundane. We shut the door....tantrum. We wash the dishes....tantrum. We take her out of her high chair when she is done eating....tantrum. It is probably 5 or 6 times a day that she loses all control of her leg muscles and collapses to the ground in an apparent bout of temporary paralysis. I just wish it were her lungs that were paralyzed during the tantrums.