Helper?

Occassionally, Lindsay is a really good helper. For instance, last weekend Kevin was building a fence and she sat next to him and handed him screws. When she's helping out, it makes us want to have dozens of kids so they can just do everything for us.

But most of the time, she's the opposite of helpful. As in, I'd rather just do it myself than even ask her to help. But, as any parent can attest, you really have to teach them how to do some things so they learn how to be helpful. It is excruciating though. She has a million books and about every 4th day, they've all made their way out of the bookcase onto her floor. Normally I've just picked them up for her, but last week I decided that it could be her job to pick those up.

Her initial reaction was running to the kitchen to hide behind the doors of the Lazy Susan. Apparently she thinks we can't see her.

She then proceeded to take approximately 30 minutes to pick up the books. During which time my internal temperature reached a boiling point and I almost put her in timeout at least 8 times.

I know at some point this pays off, but rest assured that teaching her how to help is not easy and not worth the return. So it appears we probably won't have dozens of kids...in case you were still wondering.

Prepositions!

Hearing Lindsay's language expand is one of the great joys of parenthood. It seems everyday there is a new word or phrase she learns and she's getting pretty good at putting sentences together in a decipherable manner. However, there are still some gaps and sometimes it makes for interesting conversation.

Lindsay (as she was getting buckled into her car seat): The buckle is in my butt!

Me: No, it isn't in your butt, it's by your butt.

Lindsay: No! It's in my butt!

Me: No, no. It's just by your butt. Nothing is actually in your butt.

Lindsay: There's poop in my butt.

Me: True.

Lindsay: The buckle is in my butt too.

I give up. She doesn't need to know all the prepositions quite yet. And I don't feel like explaining right now that objects shouldn't be in your butt. Another conversation for another day, I guess. I just hope I don't find her trying to put a buckle in one of the dog's butts.

Miss Independent

I'm not sure if Lindsay is a fan of either Kelly Clarkson or Ne-Yo yet, but she's definitely a fan of doing everything herself. And I mean EVERYTHING. Now, I've been told that I am slightly independent...but I'm certain I'm not as bad as her. In the average hour, you'd likely hear at least a dozen things that under no circumstances can Kevin or I help with.

For instance, the grocery store. Only need milk, but one small cart and an incredibly slow stroll through the aisle later, we are looking at least 15 minutes instead of 2 minutes. And part of the reason it takes so long is because she stops to chat with everyone that tells her she's cute. So please, people, just don't even look at her if you see us coming your way.

Last weekend we were in the airport. Kevin dropped us off at the front door of MSP with our bags and then he went to park the car. Lindsay INSISTED on pulling her own suitcase through the airport. It wasn't easy for me to pull our rollers and carry the carry-ons, but it was 8,000 times faster when she let me do it. But once we got through security, it was out of the question....she was doing it. Of course we were heading to the last gate in the farthest away concourse and she wouldn't get on the rolling walkway. So here we were, tiny little toddler pulling her huge suitcase through the airport.

We got equal amounts of looks of "She's so cute!" (which just slowed us down more because Lindsay then wanted to talk to them) and "Why would she make her kid pull that suitcase?" (which made me think they might think I'm actually punishing her...or encourage child labor). Personally, I thought it was adorable at first. But about halfway through the concourse, I started thinking "This kid needs to hurry up." And by the time we got to the gate (a gate Kevin beat us to, by the way), it was "I'm not letting her pull this ever again."

And guess what? That lasted about 30 minutes. Because when we were getting ready to head down the jetway, she threw an ever-loving fit and I gave in faster than she could scream, "NO! I PULL MY SUITCASE!" because I didn't want to be the parent with the child screaming before we even got on the plane. (Which probably gave off the unintended impression that I'm the parent that just lets her kid do whatever she wants.) I quickly hurried her down the jetway (her pulling her own bag, of course) and away from the witnesses of the scene of the crime.

As I was struggling to put our luggage in the overhead bins, a guy kindly asked if he could help me out with the bags and I said, "No, I got it. Thanks though." Alright, so maybe I do know where she gets it. But I'm certain it doesn't take me 15 times longer than the average person.

Threats

Yep. We make them. Not physically abusive or terroristic threats, but threats nonetheless. Lindsay is now of the age that there is some level of reasoning that can be effective. She's still 2, so it clearly doesn't work great, but it is reasoning. But when the reasoning fails, it often digresses into a threat.

That brings us to Thursday night. We were having our friends over for dinner (damnit, SUPPER!) on Friday and that meant Lindsay's best buddy, Evan, would be coming over. So during SUPPER on Thursday night, I told Lindsay that Evan was coming over to play tomorrow night. Of course, she was super excited and could hardly wait for the next night.

Well, as it usually goes, we had to battle to get her to eat her supper, take a bath, etc. So what did I use as "motivation?" That's right...Evan's visit.

Me: "Do you want Evan to come over tomorrow?"

Lindsay: "YES!"

Me: "Then you need to eat your chicken (which really was pork, but she'll only eat meat that is chicken, so we call all meat chicken....another post for another day because lying probably isn't a good thing either)."

Lindsay: "NO!"

Me: "Well, I'll call Lindsay and Jeremy and tell them not to bring Evan tomorrow."

Lindsay: *eats a bite of "chicken"*

Worked like a charm. We got her to eat supper, take a bath, change her clothes in the morning and even pick up some of her toys. Although, at one point she did call my bluff, but I think that was a miscommunication on her part. At least I hope it was because lord help me if she already has picked up on this newest tactic of mine and decided I don't have the follow-through.

So, I guess as long as it works, I've become a fun terrorist. I was starting to feel guilty about doing it, but then I think back to Christmas and I remember hearing a lot of parents saying Santa wouldn't come if the child didn't listen or behave. So I guess I'm not the only fun terrorist....or at least I don't think I am. I really hope all those kids that weren't listening didn't miss out on Santa.

No January?

Maybe I missed it, but my calendar says February and my last blog post says December! Whoopsie.

Because I've been so lacking, I present to you this blog's first video. A stirring rendition of "The Wheels on the Bus." A slow start, but make sure you stick around until the 1-minute mark to see what a "Mommy" on the bus says. Hmmm...

If I had kept the camera rolling just a little longer, you would've seen what a "Daddy" says on the bus. Apparently they say, "Sit down now!" Not sure which of us is painted in the worst light by this song.

Multi-tasking

Some days, you don't have time to get everything done....so you are forced to do two things at once. You know, like catching up on the latest art methods and going to the bathroom.

The power of math?

Three months ago, I had no idea what/who Team Umizoomi was. Never heard of them. But suddenly, Lindsay was constantly asking for them. So, we built up our Tivo library of Team Umizoomi episodes and the rest is history. Lindsay is OBSESSED!

For that that don't know who Team Umizoomi is, they are miniature trio of problem-solvers who use their "Mighty Math Powers" to solve the "problems" of the citizens of UmiCity, who all live in a town paved with origami. Yep...you read that right. Between you and me, the "problems" they solve are more like annoying sidenotes in an adult's day than they are real problems, but I suppose to toddlers a parent being stuck in traffic with the cake for their birthday party is a real serious problem. Here's a picture of them for those that haven't seen them before (that's Milli, Geo and Bot for those keeping track at home).

Anyway, Lindsay is obsessed. I'm not exaggerating even the slightest when I say she asks to watch Team Umizoomi before she even opens her eyes in the morning. No "good morning" or "I love you"....it's "I wanna watch Team Umizoomi" and then she gets off her bed and groggily stumbles to the living room.

Her obsession reached a point of no return the other day. We've been trying potty train her for the last week or so. About three days in she is sitting on the potty chair and she looks up in the air and says, "Need help Team Umizoomi!" (That's what the "Umi Friends" say after explaining their problem to the trio.)

I almost fell over laughing. She was asking Team Umizoomi for help to go potty in the potty chair. However, I tried to keep my composure to see what would be next. She just stared into the air, apparently waiting for Team Umizoomi to appear in the bathroom. After about 30 seconds of staring into the air she looks back at me and says, "Team Umizoomi not coming" in the saddest, most dejected little voice you can imagine. (Those are the breaks, kiddo.)

So apparently Team Umizoomi can't solve potty training problems with their Mighty Math Powers....which is disheartening on some level because I consider it an actual problem. Or maybe they can because she did go potty before getting off the chair.